I Will Not Let Him Win

Accusation. It stops me in my tracks. Like a sharp knife being thrust into my stomach.  That’s how it feels.

Yes. That’s how it feels.

The accuser. The enemy. Always looking for an opportunity to attack, defeat, sidetrack, and accuse. That is exactly what he has been doing. I barely even recognized it for what it was until I found myself in a heap on the floor-feeling defeated. Wanting to quit.

The accusations: 

“You are not qualified to serve. You are a hypocrite. You are not relevant. You don’t fit.  No one understands. You have not responded well to life’s challenges. Withdraw into your home. Withdraw into yourself. QUIT!”

The guilt:

“You feel unhappy in your circumstances – but you say that God  is sovereign! You feel hesitant about the future – but you say that  God  has a plan! You feel overwhelmed – but you say that God is supposed to carry you! You feel like what you have  been given is not enough – but you say that God  will withhold no good thing from you!”

While reading the book of Acts and learning about what kind of men the disciples were, these words stood out to me.

Then Peter was filled with (and controlled by) the Holy Spirit…and  when they saw the boldness and unfettered eloquence of Peter and John,  and perceived that they were unlearned and untrained in the schools (common men with no education) they marveled; and they recognized that they had been with Jesus.”  Acts 4:8,13

The disciples were: Imperfect. Sinful. Simple. Untrained. They doubted. They fought among themselves. They were prideful. One of them even denied Christ in His darkest hour! But God used them anyway. He chose to fill them with His spirit and enabled them to speak with“boldness and unfettered eloquence”!

He used them. He filled them. People recognized that they had been with Jesus.

I wrestle with the accusations and hold them up to truth. I choose to offer my feelings up to Him. I Repent where necessary. I Submit. And He chooses to fill and use me.

Amazing, amazing grace!