It has been 4 years since God went silent. When we suddenly couldn’t hear His voice and we were left in a waiting room, the curtains drawn so tightly that we can barely see more than 2 feet in front of us. After our eyes adjusted to the darkness we began to look around, squinting and straining to see what was there in the waiting.
We tried to remember the things He said when we could hear Him, (“I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands.” Psalm 143:5) and we clung tightly to the words we remembered.
For awhile we lost our bearings. All that we knew had changed and we were emptied of who we were. Depression and anxiety became my companions. Our life that was once filled with people, activity, and meaning came to an abrupt halt. We were thrust into the unknown and were left reeling, feeling like we could not navigate, wondering if we would ever feel normal again.
For 2 years the tears flowed as we were regularly hit with waves of grief. Questions, uncertainty, and insecurity trickled into our hearts as we tried to adjust to the changes that had taken place. Weariness consumed us, and most days it felt as if we couldn’t take even one more step. God gave us two years to grieve, to process loss, and to adjust to our new life.
Then He said, “Okay. Let’s move ahead!”
He began to infuse us with new strength, enabling us to look ahead in anticipation. He deepened our faith as we have learned to blindly trust in Him for a future that is completely out of our control. He has strengthened and enabled us to do whatever it is He has for us to do each day. He continues to remind us that we have been given hope for each day and for eternity. Because of His son’s death on the cross, our debt is paid, we do not live under condemnation. We have much to be grateful for.
God is teaching us what it means to find joy in our salvation instead of our circumstances, and he has reminded us that His glory is what is most important. We are broken people who have been given a desire to pour out our lives for God and His purposes. I am sensing His direction. The curtains have been slowly opening and the light is beginning to expose some of what God has been doing in the waiting. I have come to life again – so that I can give my life away.
The frigid winter, with it’s cold, swirling winds, stung our cheeks and blinded us, making it hard to see even two steps in front of us. It brought about much death, as winter always does, making room for something new. We have begun to feel the warm sun on our faces, see the buds of new growth, and smell the fresh spring air. We are amazed at the beauty that was being cultivated…in the silence and in the storm.